he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
