I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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