so explain again why im purple
no
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So much Jack, so little girl.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize