she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
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I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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