I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
