So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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