I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
