I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
