My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
