Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
