they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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