my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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