Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
vagina is talking i cant
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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