i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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