my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize