It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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