I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
