Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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