Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
