Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
No subtext here. People are naked.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
