I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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