my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
