yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
