I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
