i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
