where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
