How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
