entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
