I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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