you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
