You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Alive.
So much puke
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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