Screwed.edu
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
