She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
