***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
