Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
