this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
