it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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