I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
