My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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