I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
