yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
