His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
