she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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