I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
