I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
