I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
