Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
