I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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