And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
