I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
