I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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