just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
