i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Can I color on your dick again?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
