I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize