I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
