I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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