So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
