Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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