Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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