You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
