Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Buhtt sex?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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