is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
