youre lurking in front of me
Michael Bay diarrhea
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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