I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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