Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
