What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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