coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Someone signed my nipple.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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