I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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