It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
