my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
