Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
