Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
