There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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